Transforming my feelings

Micole and her mother The Netherlands

Being with her, the fact whether I am or am not “close to myself”, becomes obvious in the moment. Sometimes I do “guard of”; for example by taking care of her household instead of tuning in. At other moments I need to flee out of the house, cry, get rid of my frustration, before going back. It is self-awareness about what is happening between us and inside me, that is vital for how our relationship unfolds in the moment. And in this very moment I can decide whether I bring it out to her or whether it is better to ask help to go through my own grieving or anger. I need to address my own feeling, as she immediately feels the change between us and responds to it, blocking our connection. As such I learnt to trust that being with my frustration, sorrow, anger always leads to a transformation into warmth, calmness, peace…, which help me to empty my mind again, and open up for whatever presents itself

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