Things are not what they seem

I have had the pleasure to work with people with Alzheimer’s. During that time I realized that every person is unique, and that there is always something to learn from every one of him or her. As I learnt from Maria with this anecdote I want to share with you:

One morning I entered Maria’s room, she had a gossip magazine on her bedside table. On the cover page was Mr. X (a famous politician). As every day, I asked her how she was feeling, how she had spent the night and how the previous evening had been. She told me her daughter had brought this magazine for her. She also told me that Mr. X had been her university classmate as well as her suitor.

I doubted weather the story was real or just the fruit of her imagination, nonetheless I have always understood that the relationship with the caregiver, me, can never be one of incredulity; there is no point in telling her that her story is a nonsense, no matter how absurd you may find it is. Who are we to break the happy feeling of telling that story on and on!

A few days later, Mr. X appeared on the news again, because he had, unfortunately, passed away.

That morning, as I was assisting María just like every morning, she spoke to me about him again and told me how sad she was for his fatal ending. It was she who took some of the heat out of the issue saying: “poor him, he was very old and he was very sick”. I changed topics.

During a staff meeting after a few days, I learnt that Maria had been a classmate of Mr X. Since that day, I am well aware that the stories told by people with or without Dementia can or cannot be real, but they are true for them and that is what matters. We have to respect that.

PS. The name “Maria” is invented but the story is real. And this is a gift that we, caregivers, receive from Dementia patients. We give them love and affection without their being part of our lives, and they finally become a part of it, in a way.

Maria: wherever you are, receive this big hug from Juan, as she used to call me. I will never forget you. Thank you for helping me improve as a caregiver and as a Person.

Joan Chias