Look at me, I am here!

I will never be able to forget your look.  Having to leave you there hurt so much, I felt like every day that passed I was leaving a little piece of my heart there with you.  To go, to leave you in that place, surrounded by people with lost minds, disoriented by pain and illness,  lost in their solitude, missing the essential, the only thing that in reality could give them peace and consolation: love, only love!

I managed to decipher their cries, their shouts and their silences.  In reality all they demanded was:

“Look at me, I am here, I exist, I can’t control my body, but I am still here, I need your respect, your caress, your voice, and to be somehow listened to. We are stuck here, but we are still alive. Our memory has abandoned us, but you can still make use of yours, don’t forget about us, don’t just leave us behind as something that no longer feels, no longer exists.  We are here, we are still here, help us, help us…”

Only love can give them everything that this cruel disease of Alzheimer’s has stolen from them.

If I have learned anything during this time, it is that love has no bounds.  That as a result of this illness, by your side, my heart gradually got bigger and bigger.  I had so much to give you that it could have been no other way.

I always knew how much I loved you.  I felt as though my love for you ran through the maze of veins that cover my body, surging forwards with every beat, dilating my veins to empty itself and beat hard into my heart, returning to it again and again until it became exhausted and gave out.

My love was able to abandon the body he was trapped in, on the 1st of May of 2014, at 64 years of age, following eleven years of illness.

Today he is free, amongst us, in the universe, close to the stars.  And today it is he, with his light, who caresses and takes care of us.

Merce.

Madrid, Spain.