Your father is late today

“Hello mum”.

“Hello Darling.  Here I am, waiting for your father who is late today”.

“Don’t worry mum, he must have had a late meeting.  You know he is always longing to leave the office to get home to you. (When she hears this, Maria’s face lights up)”

“Yes, he is a very good man; when we were dating there was never a day when he didn’t come and see us when he left the office and it was a long way away too.  What a man!  (Maria has a big smile on her face)”

“But he’s late today…….I’m going to start laying the table (her expression becomes worried)”.

“Yes mum, let’s go into the dining room, I’m getting hungry”.

“You have always been such a good girl, you take after your father.  By the way, it seems that he is late today”.

“Yes, it’s strange; he must have had a late meeting.  Because he is always longing to leave the office to get home to you. (Maria’s face once again lights up, while her daughter Raquel gently takes her hand and leads her to the care home dining room)”.

It is not unusual for someone with dementia to become immersed in scenes from their past.  At those times – minutes, hours or days – it can difficult for us, their family members, to communicate with them; because even with the best intentions in the world, we think our only option is to correct our loved one’s “error” and bring them back to “reality.”  To our reality.

But, what error?  What is reality other than the present moment?  That sigh that follows on from the previous one and that never returns and never left.  And what about if we were to travel with our mother to where she is? If she has an 8 year old daughter and is impatiently awaiting her beloved to eat dinner, why can we not open our minds and meet her there?  Let us become that 8 year old girl who, with her mother, excitedly awaits the arrival of her father.  And let us enjoy the brilliance and wonder on Maria’s face when she realises how much her husband loves her.

Susana García

Moving your Soul